When Mother’s Day is downright DISAPPOINTING — and what to do about it

I really HATE Facebook on days like Mother’s Day. All those pictures of beautiful families showing their moms such gushing appreciation with all the flowers and the pretty church dresses and the meals out or the meals in, cooked while mom sits in her chair and doesn’t lift a finger…

Mine was McDonald’s take-out eaten in the car on the way home from church so that my husband could get back to work on time.

Were you disappointed on Mother's Day? I was. But there's more to it than that... Find out how to deal with ALL the disappointing holidays in your life.

There were no pictures of me or gushing about me. I got the obligatory “Happy Mother’s Day, Mom” from each of the kids. The same from the hubby, except his included a kiss.

No flowers. No breakfast in bed. No extra effort to make me feel valued and appreciated.

And I scrolled through FB and had a meltdown.

Maybe that sounds shallow, but it's the real me. I want to feel loved and appreciated just like the next gal — probably MORE than the next gal, actually. I want people to think I’m wonderful — and I want them to tell me about it. Frequently. :-)

But if I don’t get frequently, I’ll settle for the occasional special day when everyone else is saying it. But often even that doesn’t happen.

I think they do appreciate me; we’re just not a picture-taking, every-little-holiday-noticing, gushing family. Probably my own fault, actually. I grew up before FB and didn’t realize it was going to become de rigueur to splash your life in front of the world on every possible occasion. I didn’t train them for that. I wasn’t raised to be that myself.

But there’s more that’s my own fault.

“Even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).

OUCH. That’s it, right there. If I’m having a meltdown from lack of appreciation on Mother’s Day — or any day — then it’s because I’m wanting to be served. Not to serve.

I’m not wanting to consider others as more important than myself (Philippians 2:3). I’m wanting to be the important one.

I'm thinking I have a right to be, in a word, SELFISH.

Difficult to swallow, maybe even harsh? Very possibly. Especially when our culture says we “deserve” to be served and consider ourselves important for a day.

But still the God-honest truth.

Don’t get me wrong; this is not a slam against the moms out there who received great Mother’s Days. I still want one myself.

But if I don’t get one, when all around me are getting theirs, the ONLY place to find true comfort is in Jesus. To look at His example and remember my job is to be like Him.

To stop worrying and fretting about many things and just be Mary, sitting at His feet, resting in HIS love. He appreciates me. He would gush about me — and does, in His Word. “I have loved you with an everlasting love…”

There is a bigger picture than just one day. There is eternity. When my eyes are on myself and my temporal circumstances instead of on Him and His grand plan, meltdowns will occur.

Dear Mom who was disappointed on Mother’s Day — have you been in His Word enough lately? Have you filled yourself with understanding of His love and graciousness to you? Are you looking for the blessings, rather than focusing on the hardships?

I know you’re out there. I know I’m not the only one who wishes just ONCE someone would treat you like a queen for a day, or even a few hours. We don’t post on Facebook, do we, because we don’t want anyone to see our frustration and bitterness.

Perhaps God wants us to run to Him and Him alone. Perhaps He knows what is best for US — and right now that means living without the flowers and the wonderful words.

Perhaps He wants us drinking in HIS Words to slake our thirst.

Those Words say that He will withhold no good thing from us (Psalm 84:11), which means if He is withholding something, it’s because it would not be good in our lives. Crazy and difficult to accept, isn’t it, that those gushing words and special treatment we so long for might actually be harmful to us — but He knows that, and in His love He is drawing us to depend on Himself instead of on momentary joys.

I don’t have a foolproof solution. Thinking of digging deep to serve others when I don’t feel appreciated for it — especially on a day when I am “supposed” to be appreciated and shouldn’t “have” to serve — is not an easy thing. I’m still crying about it, actually.

But God calls us to no less than what will glorify Him. And being like Jesus, the penultimate unappreciated Servant, glorifies Him VERY much.

Not being a martyr, but serving from a heart filled with His love and purpose. Shored up with His Truth — not the world’s.

Is Mother’s Day a bad thing? Of course not. But for some of us it can be a very difficult thing.

Next year I’m not getting on Facebook that day. Just not gonna do it, wouldn’t be prudent. I can’t expect my family to change, and I don’t need the inevitable comparing that will steal my joy.

But hopefully by then I’ll have a better grasp of where a true sense of being valued comes from. Hopefully I will be more shored up in the Word and have closer to an eternal view. Hopefully I can face the day with less longing for special treatment and more a desire to give of myself to those around me. To be like Jesus.

Which words do I want to hear the MOST?? “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

HUGS, ladies.


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99 thoughts on “When Mother’s Day is downright DISAPPOINTING — and what to do about it”

  1. I’m right there with you! Same exact experience but my son did say ‘Thanks for birthing me Mama!” :) I just spent the day telling myself to keep my expectations low so i wouldn’t be disappointed and remembering that it’s a ‘Hallmark holiday’ and I too have taught my family that that’s not what’s important but to treasure each other in little ways every day, not just the day the calendar says to do so. So I did try to stay off facebook because I was aware that the onslaught of ‘my family is so amazing’ posts would make me crazy.

    Thanks so much for your post and I’m sure there are far more in our situation that we realize!

    1. I experienced the same thing yesterday. I cried so much. I didn’t even get a “Happy Mother’s Day”. Your story helped me a lot! Thank you.

  2. So glad to stumble across this today!! I was feeling like I was the only one in the world who was disappointed yesterday…. Ugh….. Thank you for writing this and pointing me back in the right direction. So good!

  3. Thank you! I found this morning harder than getting through yesterday. Now that I’m doing all that wasn’t done , I needed to read this. Thank you

  4. Thank You! It helps to know I’m not alone – That there are other moms who had a similar experience and similar feelings. And thanks for the wise advice.

      1. When you said, “He knows what’s best for us; & right now that means living without the flowers and wonderful words!” I’m crying a different cry after reading that.
        I needed to hear that!

  5. Thank you! I completely understand your sentiments of wishing for appreciation. This was helpful, convicting and comforting to read. Especially Psalms 84:11!

  6. Thank you for writing this, Ann. My day yesterday was nothing short of disappointing all the way around. My own mother went away with her friends for a girls weekend, my sister made it abundantly clear that she didn’t have time to “entertain” me – but my daughter could come over, and my daughter completely forgot that it was Mother’s Day and I ended up spending most of the day alone. I was so sad. This gives me a fresh perspective and encouragement about what was a very challenging day for me. Thank you again for the reminder.

    1. It can be SO challenging. I’m glad we are all finding freedom to admit that — and yet come out of it with a better perspective. Maybe next year we need to form a club and prepare our mindset a week ahead of time. :-)

      1. Yes! Mind prep is so helpful! I reminded myself a few days before that Mother’s day is not about me. It is about my mom! She is in heaven so I have the tendency to then turn back to myself and my expectations as a mom of four!! I posted some pictures on FB of my mom on my wedding day and shared my thoughts about her. So many friends shared memories of her and this was so special to me. I didn’t say a thing about me and I was blessed! This year I picked out a lady who would be celebrating her first Mother’s Day without her mom, a lady who has not been able to have children but would love to be a mother, and a single lady who dreams of marrying and having children some day. I gave them chocolate and a special note to tell them I loved them. Suddenly I was happy because my eyes weren’t on myself and how I was treated, BUT it took forethought.

  7. I stumbled on this through a comment of a young friend, who was herself disappointed in the lack of celebrations of the day. I too am a mom of four grown children and grandmom to seven amazing grandchildren. Because of the variety within our family, I’m drawn to think about two of our daughters that have not been blessed as they would have liked to have been to birth children. One has embraced adoption, for that we are most thankful. That’s four of our beautiful grandchildren. The infertility pain has lessened in time, but was very real for a long time. As I was purchasing mother-daughter bracelets for our granddaughters & their mothers, I knew that to give those in the presence of our other daughter would hurt, so that will be done individually. So, we have a great deal to be thankful for to ‘just be a mom’. I think of many childless women that blessed my life and we need to be mindful of them, not just on a celebrate moms day, but often. Make it special day to spend together with your family, not in want, but in service as you suggest and maybe include others that are not so fortunate to be called ‘mom’.
    Then I think of the moms that care for a child that battles for life daily. They too just want for their children to grow and be with them for a very long time, whether they are ever able to buy them a gift or serve them a meal. If our children are healthy, that is a blessing we have to be very grateful for.
    You shared some very wise and endearing thoughts which caused me to think of the words from this hymn:
    “More about Jesus would I know,
    More of His grace to others show;
    More of His saving fullness see,
    More of His love Who died for me.”
    In Acts 20:35, we are admonished, “…and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.'” Isn’t that just simple, yet fulfilling? and a very good reminder for each day.
    May we all be the moms He would have us to be and lift each other up.

  8. This is exactly what I needed to hear today, as I’m still brooding over it a day after. Thank you for your vulnerability. I will say that I saw some mama’s post on FB a picture of their kids and share how thankful they are to be Mamas. This is the right heart I believe. To be thankful for motherhood instead of expecting to be thanked for it. So thankful God is patient with us!

  9. This is so amazing its perfect. I had such a rough rough rough day – well actually it was great up until the latter part of the day where it all went downhill. After I dropped the kids off with their dad I came home and had a melt-down and cried for like what felt like eternity, and then I opened my phone, not to FB, but to my church’s service that I missed and immediately I felt calm. I needed to come to Him and feel His love and know that I was given a purpose to be their mom and that was good enough.

  10. Wow! Thank you for sharing! Not even 5 minutes ago, I shared these exact thoughts with my husband. Got on fb and here was your post! Thank you for truth and for helping me know I’m not alone in this battle!

  11. Thank you for this. You wrote exactly how I felt to a T. I’m not on Facebook anymore, but if I had been , I can’t even imagine how much more disappointment I would have felt. Your insight is humbling, thank you!

  12. Thank you for sharing you heart. It made me re-think some things and wipe my tears.
    Hugs and blessings to you from someone who understands.

  13. Thank you for this post! I’m glad to know I’m not alone. It was a horrible day for me. Made me contemplate a lot of things in my life. I hope I remember to stay off social media next year. It was really rough. Ah yes, to be like Jesus….. sigh.

    1. The horrible days do tend to make us contemplate, don’t they? But that’s how learning will take place — at least I hope so. :-)

  14. Wow I feel like you just put into words everything I felt all day yesterday. Last night, after balling my eyes out, blaming my sweet husband, and feeling sorry for myself again for my thankless Mother’s Day , I asked God to show me what I was missing…It’s Gratefulness! Being grateful is what I’m lacking. My heart has been so wrapped up in worldly expectations that I’ve been missing all of my amazing blessings right in front of my face! I was reminded about the story of the leper who went back to thank Jesus. He wasn’t only healed, he was made whole – complete! Gratefulness is the heart of my wholeness in God- that’s where I find the joy of Christ and peace that passes all understanding! Reading this article not only made me feel like I’m not alone in this battle but it also it validated my study and has caused me to study even more. Thank you so much for being real and writing from the heart. You have encouraged me through so many of your posts.

    1. Thanks, Cori, for all your kind words! It’s amazing how When God teaches us something, He drives it home in so many ways. Yes, let’s all be thankful for ALL He has done for us — daily and moment-by-moment! <3

  15. Yes, Amen we need to be in the Word more and to find our acceptance in Christ Jesus not in made up worldly celebrations. Still hurts though. I shed tears, many actually, this year unfortunately. Lowering expectations definitely helps. And yes to staying off facebook when you know things are going to trigger you. Praise the Lord, I love being a mum and my husband was wonderful and tried to comfort me too which was lovely.

    1. It does still hurt. The emotions are real. Whihch is why we must shore ourselves up in the Word to know how to deal with them when they occur. Lord willing, next time I will be more ready. :-)

  16. I do come from a background of sappy holiday celebrations. The traditional card where we all traced our hands on the cover every year until our hands were overlapping each other The cards to grandma. The special after church meal and flowers. My first few years of motherhood I was just so happy to have little ones that I didn’t care that my husband doesn’t do sappy. Everyone was still celebrating their grandchildren and I felt wonderful and motherly. But as my kids have grown and I am now full-time mother and full-time homeschool mom and the job doesn’t go away or get easier and it’s thankless and messy, I look to this one special day in May where “her children will rise and call her blessed.” And that’s a VERY bad idea. Last year was the worst mother’s day of my entire life. I won’t get into the whys and wherefores, but it was awful. I determined this year to give my husband PLENTY of warning about mother’s day. We talked it out, expectations were clear. Then his boss sprung a stressful business trip on him at 4 AM Monday morning and his poor brain didn’t even have room for me. I fought for it though. I wasn’t going to let my expectations ruin anything. We postponed the day. I focused on his needs and making his Mom’s day special. Somewhere in the middle of the day I realized, I don’t want flowers or cards or special accolades. I just want my tank filled. I want to be told I MATTER. I want to feel like it’s all WORTH SOMETHING. I hadn’t taken the next step though to think, WHO give me worth. Is it my kids? My husband? Am I ever going to earn worthiness? No. It’s the one who paid for my life with his own blood. So thank you. It’s hard when everything appears Instagram perfect to find truth in the messy realities.

    1. Circumstances can always throw a wrench in things — but if we are grounded in Him, that won’t throw us. But so often I am thrown!! A commenter in my FB group said something about an “audience of One.” That’s who she does things for. Such a great perspective.

  17. Oh Ann, this makes me want to give you a huge hug! This is SO spot-on. I have the same “challenge” on Mother’s Day…and I hate sounding ungrateful, but you have truly nailed it.
    Thank you for the encouragement to dig deep and seek the Savior, friend.
    Blessings to you today and every day.
    Love, love, love your heart <3

  18. I just wish that my daughter wouldn’t have been downright disrespectful towards me all day. it seems that every year Mother’s Day is the day that she is the worst.

    1. YES. This is a thing. I think we are tested and tried often MORE on the “special” days. It’s just another round of the Sunday-morning-before-church scenario, ya know? Family life is just plain stressful. And our expectations — I think as Christians we might have unreasonably high ones on a regular basis, because we think we should all behave the way the Bible tells us to, lol — don’t help… HUGS.

  19. Thank you SO much for sharing this. It’s nice to know I wasn’t the only one who struggled with all of the Facebook posts from other moms displaying their gifts and gushing about the love their families showered them with. The handmade cards with the carefully written notes really got to me because what mother doesn’t long for her kids to tell her how much they love and appreciate her? I realize now that I was just being selfish and ungrateful and that I need to love and accept my husband and boys for who they are. They may not make me cards or wake me up at 12:01 am on Mother’s Day because they are so excited to give me their gifts (yes, this is what my best friend’s children did), but they show me they love me in their own ways on a regular basis. Thank you for helping me put things in perspective.

  20. I really needed to hear this! Thank you so much for your honesty. I started Saturday night feeling sorry for myself because I knew to expect very little. Oh, the selfishness! Thank you for reminding me of the real Truth of Christ’s word and being a servant.

  21. Thank you for your honesty and real perspective. It is very uplifting to see the scripture that can heal a broken heart. I spent hours reading scripture through tears Sunday night but could not see His purpose. The scriptures you pointed out was what I was searching for. Thank you for using God’s word to help solve the worldly struggles.

  22. This is great. I have often felt “left out” as well, but have learned to keep my expectations low. I know my family loves me, they just don’t gush over me the way others do. I totally agree with your perspective on looking to Jesus for our satisfaction. That is still a work in progress for me, too. Thanks for sharing.

  23. That’s the truth of it right there not just for Mother’s Day, but for our birthdays and anniversary, too. I had just had surgery a week ago, so I have been being treated like a queen since – everyone’s trying to meet my needs without causing too much pain or stress for me. They’ve been so sweet. Some say laughter is the best medicine. Some would say it is chocolate. I say it is friendship. All of the cards, meals they’ve brought, emails, etc. have really made me know how much I am loved and appreciated. I’m so thankful for that. I hope I will remember to be that friend for someone else someday when they need it most.

    On the other hand, I think of my mom. She only has my sister and me, and for whatever reason, my sister refused to even call our mom on Mother’s Day. And that’s all my mom wanted was a phone call from each of us saying “Hi. I love you. Thank you for all you’ve done for me.” She had the same surgery I just had 1 year, 1 month and 1 day ago which later caused complications which put her in the hospital for a month where she almost died twice! I know I’m glad she’s still around and that we have more time to appreciate her. I wish my sister could get over herself and her unforgiving way and just make the one phone call that could make our mother’s day.

    Life is too short anyway. But I’m so thankful that God is good and loving and forgiving. He really does value His children. Thanks for the reminder.

  24. Amy - It’s Not About Me

    Thank you for the reminder. I need this heart check. Life is not about me, it’s all about Him. I want a servants heart .

  25. I think there’s room for something else here too. Kids need to be taught how to show appreciation. It’s not wrong to expect a card. (They can fold a piece of paper in half and write some kind things on it.) It is not wrong for you to desire some effort from your family in showing appreciation for you.

    If your family did nothing, maybe it’s time for a sit down moment. “These are the things I need you to do on Mother’s Day: [x, y, and z.]” Spell it out. They may be very thankful. Unless you live in a den of jerks, your family members don’t want you to have a crummy Mother’s Day. Tell them exactly what to do to make it nice. Plenty of husbands need this explicit information. Learning to express love and appreciation is important and worth teaching.

    1. I agree. We feel like we shouldn’t have to tell them — but the fact is that they WOULD be willing to come forth with these things if we asked for them. They do appreciate us; sometimes they just don’t realize how to do that or what would make us feel that way. But still, to EXPECT it is I think setting ourselves up for emotional difficulty…

  26. My biggest issue with Mother’s Day (as well as my birthday) is that the sense of entitlement is magnified for me. You see, my husband has Cerebral Palsy. He can’t do one thing to help out. Dishes sit in wait for ME to wash them. The kids are my responsibility. The few times he tries to flex his parenting muscles (“Hey, kids, listen to your mother!”) they totally ignore him because he can’t “make” them do anything. I can’t just pawn my 7 and 3 year olds off on him to entertain for the day because the 3-year-old is a rambunctious and wild toddler boy with the wild heart of a toddler boy who will think nothing of running straight into the road and getting hit by a car if I were to let him. So the bottom line is… I NEVER get a break. Not for Mother’s Day. Not for my birthday. Not ANY day. I suffer from constant physical and emotional exhaustion, but there is no one in my community who can help me (or who is WILLING to help me). My parents live nearby, but my mom takes the approach that grandkids are there to enjoy and send home rather than helping out an overwhelmed mama. My dad does his best to help run a load of laundry or dishes every day, but he had open-heart surgery a few years ago and can only do so much. So for the most part, I struggle in silence. There are nights I’m crying my eyes out to God, begging Him to send some angel to help, but the only things I feel are the judgment of others if I were to openly discuss these issues with them (aka. “If you couldn’t handle kids, you shouldn’t have had them!” or even worse, “You struggled with infertility for 4.5 years because you weren’t MEANT to have kids!”). Is it really selfish to want help? I’ve tried so hard to accept fate as this is my role in life, to work part time, care for my family the rest of the time, and feel so burned out that I don’t want to get out of bed half the time. But in truth, I don’t believe this is how God intends mothers to be. I believe He DOES want us mothers to find joy in life — not to constantly expect gifts and whatever, but just to be able to share their burdens with someone. My husband can do nothing. He can’t work, can’t help. Nothing. Our marriage is struggling, but we can’t get help because we don’t have childcare and money to do so. Another Mother’s Day has come by yesterday, leaving me in tears as my husband yelled at me this morning for feeling sad about it — I got nothing from him at all. My parents took the kids out to get the customary candy bar, flowers, and card for me (the same things I get for EVERY SINGLE BIRTHDAY, Mother’s Day, CHRISTMAS, ANNIVERSARY, ETC.). It would have been so nice to receive something I would truly enjoy, but you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit, right? My dad threw in $50 cash in hopes I could take the time I don’t have to buy myself something, but how do I do that with the two kids in tow? Any cash anyone gives me goes right back to the kids.

    I spent Mother’s Day yesterday cleaning up cat pee, putting away my son’s toys, putting away laundry, and cooking dinner. I suppose that’s not too unusual and I keep trying to remind myself to be thankful to have our children, especially since years ago, I’d spend Mother’s Day crying over not having kids at all… but when are mothers supposed to feel like they are valued and they matter?

    The bottom line is, when is it SELFISH to want special treatment on Mother’s Day, and when is it necessary for a mom to have more self-care and feel loved and valued. I can’t see how avoiding burnout is selfish; if anything, it’s very selfLESS because a burned out mother can’t take it (been there and done that… even this morning when I snapped at my kids and had a long cry). Aren’t we supposed to value each other and show love to each other as Christians? It is sadly lacking in my home.

  27. Wow, I just have to say I’m glad to see there is others that Mother’s Day just feels like another day of no appreciation. My children are grown so I’m all by myself I don’t expect no calls or flowers. When I pray I ask god what I did to be forgotten so easily to children I gave everything for.

    1. Doh, next year maybe make plans with them ahead of time? Reach out to them; tell them you don’t want to be alone on Mother’s Day. I bet they’ll respond! HUGS!

  28. Shelley Fredericks

    Hi, I don’t know how long ago you have written this. But I needed to hear this. Standing at my kitchen sink while tears roll down my face because I feel so unappreciated. Reading this just reminded me of my identity in Jesus Christ and how much I am loved. Thank you for these words, thank you for your honesty. I am smiling again knowing Jesus loves me and this is just a day of sensationalized (not that I also do not want to be spoiled on this day) and thinking about the hugs I get in between, the thank you’s and I love you’s.

  29. You were definitely speaking to me. I have to stay off of FB on Mother’s Day or get upset every time I see a post of a mom’s perfect day. Jealous, I guess maybe a little

  30. Under appreciated and jealous sums it up for me.
    I’m struggling to cling to hope and today was a mess and so hurtful. I made dinner for everyone and am going to bed early, I can’t bear to eat with them and listen to complaining about what I made, and then watch all the dishes dutifully dropped in the sink for the sink fairy. I’ll deal with that mess tomorrow. I don’t know why I excepted the one thing I asked for, which was a framed family photo, but tomorrow I’ll order one myself if I still want it.

    1. Doh, I’m so sorry. But going to bed early actually sounds wonderful, if you can separate it from why you are doing so. (Peace and quiet! What a concept!) Hang in there, and HUGS!

  31. Wow, I needed this. I have three grown kids. I homeschooled them from preK through HS graduation. Egg F en they were young they couldn’t get enough of mama. Over the last several years , like 7, I literally hated everything about Mother’s Day. My boys would not acknowledge me at all, and wouldn’t even say, Happy Mother’s Day.” This was so painful, and would have me in tears all day. My oldest is a girl, and she didn’t behave this way. The thought of being crushed on this day would plague me beginning a few days prior. This year, today, my approach was different. I had a great day with my husband, daughter, her husband, and grand baby. I chose joy, and resolved to believe that the Lord loves everything about me, and that is enough. My middle son texted me this morning. My youngest is 21, lives in our house, saw me most of the day, but never once said Happy Mother’s Day. I never got sad like I use to. It only makes me want to pray more diligently for my sons. I believe that it is not me, and I do not have to carry the burden of feeling like a failure.

  32. I actually searched the internet to find someone else that is feeling like this the day after Mothers Day. My heart is hurting so badly. Facebook makes it 100 times worse. I was feeling like I was the only Mother that was crushed on Mothers Day. This happens almost every year and I often wonder if I am a terrible Mother or what? I was raised to honor my Mother and always have. I just don’t get it. Your article has helped me.

    1. I’m glad you were helped. I do think we live in a different world than our parents did, and one of the differences is how women and specifically mothers are viewed. It’s sad.

  33. Thanks Ann for this article. Yesterday was hard. I actually cried at the dinner table once I sensed bad moods in my kids. They didn’t like seeing their mom cry and one specific child felt shame. I’m still embarrassed and praying for the right words today to acknowledge how I acted. The thing is….You pour your whole life into these kids and receive little appreciation. And you look forward to a day that’s different from the mundane (which appreciation isn’t given regularly) and then it falls flat. But the heart of the matter is always the matter of the heart! I definitely see my sin within my own heart. The sin of high expectations and relying on people to give me what only God can give. Thank you for the reminder. Jesus came to this earth with no expectation, only to give of Himself. I pray for this perspective in me, not just on Mother’s day, but every day. I need prayer – bc my birthday is in a few weeks! ha!

  34. So many things hurt me on Mother’s Day. My family, grown children, ask the question as the day (Mother’s Day, Birthday, Christmas) is close, what is it I want for a gift? Knowing they have done nothing, I sink, but reply with “Everyday is Mother’s Day for me”. So I watched them give plenty to others and my role as a mother was barely acknowledged. I wonder why do they want to do for others but not for me?

    I am more disappointed in myself that I don’t really feel that way. I speak unselfishly, but don’t feel it at all. So the struggle is still there.

    This helpful article offered the perfect thing to do and I turn to Him everyday.

    I’m ashamed I can’t overcome my need to be “gushed” over. I’m stuck!

    1. Hi Cherise, I’m not sure why you would tell them to give you nothing when they are asking you what you want. But to then be sad that they give to others but not to you, when you told them NOT to, I think is not working for you. When they ask, TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT. You don’t “know” they have done nothing. They are asking you because they WANT to give to you, but they want to give what you want. If it turns out they can’t, then let them tell you that. Assuming that we know what is in people’s heads is a large part of the reason we are disappointed with relationships, I think. Try answering their question differently next time and see what happens!

  35. Hi. I thought to myself that instead of feeling sad, I would look up some encouragement and I found your write up. Thank you. I am not so sure staying away from FB next year will be enough. But it would help. I was going through FB 2 days later and it is all still there. Maybe a week off FB 😆? Well Covid didn’t help this year. Flowers can’t be found anywhere (for me to buy for myself). Hubby likes to buy flowers for me sporadically and on non-commercially hyped days like Mother’s Day. I am still on the verge of tears 2 days later. I made waffles for the family in the morning and I picked up pizza for us all for supper. I had to convince hubby that we should do pizza because it is Mother’s Day. Not sure what I’ve done wrong. Even talking to people makes me sad as they are romanced to the hilt.

  36. stephanie barrett

    At least you have a family to spend the day with. Those of us who dream of having a kid would love to get McDonald’s with their kids for mother’s day

    1. That is a very good point, Stephanie, and it’s something that many mothers think about instead of expecting to be treated special on Mother’s Day — instead they say focus on how thankful they are to be mothers at all. Thanks for the reminder, and HUGS!

  37. Thank you so much for this post-I like everyone else who commented needed it. I found a bit of myself in each comment. It hurts and I know I am being selfish. My husband usually does something special bc we are a family of his, mine and ours. We try to set the example to be grateful and teach our kids to see the value in others & always tell them what a blessing they are. I did get a happy Mother’s day from my kids and husband halfway through the day, I was asked oh did you want to do something? It made me feel like and afterthought. To have plan my “special day”, I felt unworthy, unloved, I felt selfish for crying bc the acknowledgement I received felt obligatory-I played the Martyr big time. I don’t know what I was looking for, I definitely didn’t find it but I found this today and I realized I didn’t go to God first. If I did, I would have realized I had everything I begged for. Thank you ladies, thank you for being brave enough to share what feels ugly.

  38. quick update to my earlier post: After I read this blog and wrote that I started having a “come to Jesus” meeting with myself. My husband stopped home for lunch to apologize to me for a few reasons. One being he didn’t plan anything. Two he realized that he is the one that sets the example for our kids about how to treat your family and more importantly he realized that even if he had taken the time to do something, he had no idea what makes me feel valued and as my husband he should know that. How is that for a God moment!

    1. ❤️! You have a husband to be treasured! I’ve been married for 41 years, and we are still getting to know and love each other. Our marriage and parenting journeys are just that: journeys! We are all “in process.”
      Growth takes time. Change takes even longer.

  39. Thank you for sharing this! What a tough couple of years it’s been and this is the second year that my daughter didn’t wish me a happy Mother’s Day after she woke up. I was cleaning and organizing stuff in the morning and she didn’t get up until close to 11am. It just makes me feel like I failed as a mom when your own daughter couldn’t make an effort to do something special. I didn’t ask for fancy meals out or flowers but just some effort would’ve been nice. What hursts me more than anything is that now that it’s the Monday after Mother’s Day and she’s been planning and has baked 2 dozen cupcakes and 2 dozen cookies for a teacher’s assistant that is leaving.
    I can’t help but feel a little jealous and unappreciated. But then I think of my sister and best friend that struggled with infertility and remind myself that I need to have a grateful heart. So I thank God for giving me my daughter and hope she will never feel the way that I felt this and last year.

  40. Currently feeling so under appreciated that even when my husband asked what I wanted, my answer was nothing. Not because I didn’t want anything, but because I know that if I asked for anything, it would be a hassle to him and he’d only do it because I asked. I found this blog after searching “husband doesn’t appreciate me on mother’s day” and this was about the third link from the top. I didn’t know you’d be talking about Jesus. He certainly has a way to remind us of what it’s really all about. May He bless you in ways you unexpected for tomorrow and many days after. Thank you.

  41. Dear Ann,
    I stumbled across this site as I was searching for how not to be sad on Mother’s Day. And the minute you spoke about Jesus…BAM! I had the right perspective and was back on track. I am grateful for the trials He gives me as they are an opportunity to grow closer to Him. This life on earth is very, very short and our ultimate reward will be in Eternity. We need to focus on pleasing Him, not the humans of this world. Thank you for writing what you did – you are a wise woman. Congratulations on graduating your five children from home schooling. They are fortunate to have had home schooling from a mother that loves them so deeply. Wishing you good health and joy in your life.

  42. Thank you for this, I sure needed to read it! I have two wonderful young men (I was told I would never be able to conceive). God has blessed me greatly and that is where my focus should be.

  43. There are so many responses here! Clearly not alone in this! I feel challenged to be like Jesus without actually trying to BE Jesus. Maybe it is Mary I should be like. A tad more achievable? LOL. Love to all, this is hard stuff but Ann has soothing words to calm the soul like a fast-acting balm.

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