One of our most popular blog posts is Dear Homeschool Mom Who Worries About Her Child Being Behind. It speaks to the mom riddled with anxiety, stressed about doing a good enough job, afraid she’s letting her kids down or shortchanging them academically. That post encourages a more relaxed homeschooling approach — and I love that.
But lately, I’ve noticed a trend. We’ve all heard it (and maybe even said it ourselves): “There is no behind in homeschooling.” This phrase often grows out of an unschooling mindset, but in practice it can sometimes be used as an apologetic for stepping back entirely — for offering little to no parental guidance or academic input.
As a homeschooling conference speaker, I often test this idea with my audiences. I’ll ask if they’ve heard the phrase “There is no behind in homeschooling.” vEery hand goes up. Then I ask if anyone feels like they do have a child who is behind. Nearly every head nods. Next, I ask if that phrase — “no behind” — actually brings them comfort. The response is an emphatic “No!” Finally, I ask if what they really want is practical help that matches what they already intuitively know about their kids and the world. The emphatic answer: “Yes!”
As adults who have life experience, we know that our kids need skills and tools and we also know that acquiring them later, rather than sooner, can hurt our kids chances at opportunities, promotions and experiences. We know that because we’ve lived it.
And that’s the heart of the issue. While the “no behind” crowd is usually trying to offer reassurance, it doesn’t give parents the real guidance they’re desperately seeking.
So today, let’s dig into it together: when “behind” is real — and when it’s just a myth.
When “Behind” Is Real
Untreated Learning Differences – Dyslexia, dysgraphia, ADHD, or processing disorders can cause gaps if not recognized and supported. These often show themselves in Middle School, when the work becomes a bit more independent, rigorous and skill specific. Parents often intuitively “know” when something seems “off” and one of the best things a parent can do is invest in diagnostic testing to rule out learning challenges or skill gaps. And yes, there will be gaps no matter how intentional or thorough we are, but knowing what they are allows the parent to determine how they will manage them.
Lack of Consistency– Sporadic schooling or skipping foundational skills creates gaps that surface later. For example, many kids aren’t truly “bad” at algebra; they simply never mastered their multiplication facts. Algebra is a project with many moving parts, but without basic math skill (quickly knowing math facts), the whole project feels overwhelming — and the student wrongly believes they’re bad at math.
Homeschooling can offer the stability that frequent school changes don’t, but constantly switching curricula or teaching methods can have the same damaging effect. Add to this the prevalence of screen time, which can erode focused learning, and inconsistency becomes a recipe for falling genuinely behind.
Avoidance of Hard Subjects – If a parent or student avoids certain subjects (like writing or algebra), progress can lag. As a homeschooler, determine which subjects you naturally avoid teaching and outsource them. There are so many great resources available, from local co-ops to live online classes and private tutoring, that it really just takes a bit of research to find a great alternative. If your student is avoiding subjects, check out this video on activating peak performance in your homeschool.
Life Disruptions – Major family moves, illness, or crises can cause students to fall behind temporarily if time isn’t made up. And I get it, we went through a horrible car accident that left one daughter with a serious head injury, a house fire, and I know we all remember the disruption of 2020. As parents, it’s our job to nurture, and contain the disruptions, but also assess them and strategize the best way to move forward.
Minimal Effort / Laziness Excused – When “no behind” is used as a shield to avoid accountability, real gaps grow wider. I love John Holt and have read every one of his books. But, more often than not, I find people who claim “Unschooling” these days have no idea about the educational pedagogy behind it. Instead, it’s used as an excuse to self indulge, leaving their kids education by the wayside or in the hands of an electronic babysitter.
Here’s the truth: not every worry about being behind is grounded in reality — but some are. And as homeschool parents, we need the wisdom to tell which is which. Now let’s take a look at when behind is a myth.
When “Behind” Is a Myth
Individual Pace Matters – Kids aren’t machines; some master reading at 5, others at 9, but both end up fluent readers. Homeschooling allows for personalized education that addresses the individual.
Artificial Grade Levels – “Grade” is a school construct, not a natural marker of growth. Homeschooling allows blending and leveling up at the right time. The government school system is a lock step method which expects kids to move forward in all subjects evenly. People naturally jump forward in some areas and lag in others, and that is totally fine.
Strength-Based Learning – A child may be “behind” in one area but far ahead in another — that’s balance, not failure. As adults we all have areas that we excel at and others that we totally outsource. I can cook for a crowd at a moment’s notice but I am going to outsource to a mechanic every time my car needs help. Why wouldn’t we expect the same strength based learning and preferences from our kids?
Education Isn’t a Race – Real learning sticks when absorbed deeply, not when rushed to “keep up.” Again, personalized education allows our kids to go at their pace. And remember, play is a great way to make learning stick.
Flexible Timelines Work – Homeschool allows kids to graduate strong even if the path doesn’t look like the traditional, lockstep schedule. Each of our five kids graduated between the ages 17 and 18 and each of them took a 1-4 year “gap” year(s). They went on to go to college, military, homesteading, starting their own businesses, marriage and children, owning homes and creating unique and amazing lives for themselves. One of our kids is getting an advanced degree in applied math, while another still struggles with math concepts. Yet, both are thriving.
Homeschooling gives us the gift of creating personalized learning plans for each of our kids. That means we can discern the difference between when a child is truly behind and when they’re simply learning at their own pace.
So yes—set the anxiety aside. But also take the time to craft an intentional plan for each child. Homeschooling offers the freedom to do both: relax and be purposeful. Embrace it!
Lisa Nehring and her husband, Dr. David Nehring, a Clinical Psychologist, and Biblical Scholar speak together on a wide variety of topics, including education, classical education, vision, mission, parenting, marriage, and more.
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