Let me make this perfectly clear from the get-go: cheapskate is NOT a complimentary word. I know it is used as such by many people, even in a spirit of fun, sometimes; but the truth is that while being frugal is a good thing, being a cheapskate is not.
There is a large difference between being frugal and being a cheapskate, y'all. And if you don't believe me, believe the dictionary. Let's look at two dictionaries and see how they define each word.
Merriam Webster:
Frugal — careful about spending money or using things when you do not need to; using money or supplies in a very careful way(1)
Cheapskate –a miserly or stingy person; especially one who tries to avoid paying a fair share of costs or expenses(2) (italics mine)
Cambridge American English Dictionary:
Frugal — careful in spending money(3)
Cheapskate –someone unwilling to give or spend any money(4)
(I chose to use two dictionaries because I wanted to prove that this difference in definition is not just my understanding nor found in only one credible source…)
Now, I'm not trying to be the word police here; it really doesn't matter to me how people use each word. What I am trying to do is bring to light a principle — which is that we want to be careful, while we are being frugal, that we are not being cheapskates.
When being frugal is a focus of one's life, especially due to debt or other pressing circumstances, it can be easy to slip over the edge into cheapskatedness. (If that's not a word, it is now.) I know, because I've been there and done that, y'all. I've been so busy watching every single solitary penny, that I have forgotten basic human consideration. I have hoped others would pay more so I could pay less. I've used frugality as an excuse to be selfish. It's not a good place to be, and it shows a smallness of spirit.
What are some behaviors that exhibit a cheapskate mentality?
Here are a few examples:
*Tipping the waiter or waitress exactly 15% EVERY time, regardless of whether his/her service was examplary. 15% is considered a standard tip. Excellent service deserves more.
*Worse yet, not tipping at all. I've worked in the food service industry, and it's a LOT of work for very little pay. The wait staff is actually paid less than minimum wage, and their tips are supposed to make up that difference.
*Not offering to pay for gas when you get a ride from someone. Not INSISTING on paying for gas when you've gotten several rides from someone.
*Taking food home from an all-you-can-eat buffet. We all know you're not supposed to do that, people. Take those dinner rolls out of your purse!
*Returning to the store to get the after-Christmas sale price on items you purchased before Dec. 25 to use for decoration.
*Quibbling over a dollar or two when splitting the bill at a restaurant. The relationship with the person you are with should be more important than the exact split.
*Procrastinating on buying the kids what they need, so you can get what you want first. (This one hits kind of close to home, I'm sad to say…)
*Snagging freebie items that you don't need just because they're available to you, when others could benefit from them.
Of course, any of these things may occur in our lives from time to time; it's being characterized by them that makes a person a cheapskate. I have been a cheapskate, and I am embarrassed by that. I confess that I do get anxious over money (and that's a topic for a whole ‘nother post), but I should not expect others to cover me.
Just because we are striving to be frugal does not mean we should give up a spirit of generosity. Of course we should not be foolish and throw our money at whoever asks for it, but giving the waiter an extra buck or two, for example, will not affect our bottom line. In reality, if we can't afford to give the waiter the tip he deserves, then we shouldn't be eating out at all…
I read a blog post once where the guy and his wife spent $700 per month on Starbucks but were only “able” to give $300 per month to their church. He actually said that he wished he could give more. To me, it was an easy fix.
I DO believe in getting a store to refund me if the sign advertises one price but the register rings up another. That's a matter of the store mistakenly getting more money than they have “contracted” (via the sign) to do. But I also bring it to their attention when it rings up too low – a cheapskate would not.
Have I perfected this balance? No, I have not. But I'll tell you what — when I am generous-minded, rather than exhibiting the cheapskate mentality, I can live with myself a whole lot better.
What other examples of frugality vs. cheapskatedness are out there?
(1) http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/frugal
(2) http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cheapskate
(3) http://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/american-english/frugal
(4) http://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/american-english/cheapskate
Ann has written Cure the Fear of Homeschooling High School: A Step-by-Step Manual for Research and Planning, Save Your Sanity While Homeschooling High School: Practical Principles for a Firm Foundation, and recently Taming the Transcript: The Essential Guide to Creating Your Teen's Homeschool Transcript from Scratch (without overwhelm). She also founded the popular Facebook groups It's Not that Hard to Homeschool High School and It's Not Hard to Homeschool K-8, and in addition she voices the It's Not That Hard to Homeschool High School Podcast.
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I love this! It’s so important to know the difference and to strive to be frugal, not cheap. I am learning that even on the tightest budget, there is always a little room for generosity (especially when you intentionally MAKE room).
“There is always a little room for generosity.” Good words, Erin! :-)